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Paper Life

by Anu

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Dubie Dubendorfer
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1.
Ex 04:03
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I used to play the guitar Sang pretty good, too Opened once for a minor star When I was 22 What’s left of my gear is in the closet by the door Used to make the people cheer But I don’t do that anymore Ex marks the spot Where I used to be Where treasure was lost Whatever happened to me? Used to live in Los Angeles But me, I had to leave Used to be able to handle it Used to be a team There’s a few pics of us From before the smartphone days We looked ridiculous But it felt great Ex where it stopped All we used to be All but forgot Whatever happened to me? Ex on the page A simple cross The end of the game Whatever happened to us?
2.
Your Future Is Canceled 05:27
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The queue is blank The content is gone You sit in the dark Playing the same old songs They found out what you did wrong How you were a fake all along All your mistakes cataloged Your life is rearranged Your future is canceled Everything that mattered Is shattered... Your future is canceled Your dreams and your passions Nothing but ashes Blowing away... Thought the music had just begun Thought it would keep playing on and on and on... Thought you got out before the crash Bet it all was going to last Now you’re trapped in the collapse Here it comes... Your future is canceled All of those grand plans Written in sand Your future is canceled It grinds to a standstill It’s chill or be killed At the end of the day
3.
(a gap in employment) 01:12
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4.
Paper Life 03:25
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Got the full package House, spouse, kids, cars Got some nice extras Fancy bourbon, old guitars Sisyphus with a laundry basket At the kitchen sink Can’t hear over this racket Can’t even think On paper it looks alright Another day in this paper life Chase that paper, fight the fight Another day in this paper life Living like a king In the shadow of the guillotine None of it means a thing at all Holding my breath until the fall It will all just be swept away Confetti after the parade Pictures and words hung in a frame Crumpled and torn, starting to fade On paper it looks alright Another day in this paper life Wrapped up and covered tight Another day in this paper life
5.
Number 04:28
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Pounds on the scale climbing Macros and calories Cholesterol, fat, PSA, A1C Blood cells red and white serum Pressure in my veins Diopter for astigmatic eyes Ear frequencies sustain Number on number Number and number The mortgage on the house compounds Therapy, private schools Cable, food, trash, and power, Clothing and shoes Water and gas in the tank The coffee every day The London Interbank Overnight Rate Number on number Number and number Handfuls of seconds Slowly creeping past Hours and decisions Rushing by so fast About 14,000 days Probable typical when A couple of decades or tomorrow could be the end Gigabytes remaining Years remaining Days remaining Seconds remaining
6.
(a broken record) 01:18
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7.
Broke Kids 05:18
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Lost in the angles and the tangle of the streets Chasing hits and stealing bits and paying for our dreams Spent our nights going deaf and going too far Burning up days in a California noir We were just Broke kids Trying to get fixed Broke kids Looking for a gig So many things I miss from when I was a broke kid Lost in the mazes and the crazy of our lives Running in place all day then we toss and turn all night We’re packing up and moving Giving up and losing Spending all our days on these kids we’re trying to raise Broke kids Who can never be fixed Broke kids Scattered to the wind Hoping these broken kids Will fix this mess we’re in Now the world has gone hot The trash is piling up The future is shot And all we’ve got Is hope that these broke kids will be the ones to save us from the world we’ve made
8.
Dead Stars 04:02
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She said most of the stars up there Have been dead for a billion years And all that light and heat Dissipated unseen Isn’t that the most perfect thing? Dead stars... She said all those stars you see Have been dead for an eternity All their heat and light Lost in the infinite night Isn’t that just like you and me? Dead stars...
9.
(paper covers rock) 00:56
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10.
Pelican Bay 04:33
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Everything is a minimal gray Here in Pelican Bay There is no escape Here in Pelican Bay This house is full of people I never get to see Been living here for years They still don’t know me Just waiting out my days Here in Pelican Bay I hear them laughing in the other room Don't think I'll be leaving soon Sleepless in late nights Under the dim lights Serving out my life In solitary Wait for 23 Get one hour free Walk in circles and count my money Moving in a metal cage I’m safe I’m alone When the big door shuts at home I’m safe I'm alone In the concrete box on my office block I’m safe I’m alone I’m safe I'm alone
11.
Late Nights 03:49
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I stay up after the kids are finally down And my wife is deep asleep Sit in the dark Put a record on It’s the only time I’m free Alone with bourbon and my thoughts Or joined by the ghosts of friends I’ve lost Wandering the halls of memory Late nights The spirits and me Quiet moments in my chair Thinking about my life I hear the heater thrum The fridge whirr The traffic pass outside I hear the song of the power lines I raise my glass There’s never enough time Nothing lasts

about

In 2019, I reconnected with a musician I had worked with in my Los Angeles days. We talked about working together on something that spoke to the lives we had now, decades later, while musically referencing the 1990s.

Distorted guitars. Early samplers. Drum loops. The big electronica wave that didn't happen. Shoegaze. Artists like Curve, The Crystal Method, Filter, Garbage, Goldie, Hooverphonic, Massive Attack, Morcheeba, Nine Inch Nails, The Prodigy, Republica, Roni Size, Slowdive. And of course, the entire grunge class of the early 90s.

He was not able to collaborate, but I liked the ideas and it became a solo album. The pandemic happened, and that ended up informing the record as well.

I have described "Paper Life" to my friends, somewhat jokingly, as my "mid-life crisis depression record". That is both completely true and untrue, as all the best stories are. I also think it is simultaneously one of the catchiest and darkest solo records I have made.

"Paper Life" is damaged, distressed, digital, and distorted -- a mirror of life in 2020.

credits

released October 30, 2020

Recorded by Anu at Blue Moscow in California, 2019 - 2020
All songs written by Anu Kirk, © 2020 Erich Zahn Music (ASCAP)

Mastered by Michael Hateley for Lotus Mastering

Album art design by Iran Narges

Thank You:
Robert Ptak for the inspiration, friendship, and Artificial Joy

Matt Gramly for building the guitar I used for nearly all of this record

Iran Narges. Liz Yelamos. Geoff Geis. Stan Fairbank. Thomas Muer. Rich Trott. Mark Erickson. Maryann Faricy. Clint Woods. Holland Campbell. Brian M. Ward. Christy Phoenix. Xopher Davidson. John Hong. Michael James. Chris Fudurich. Louis Figueroa. Jon Appleton. Your support made this record better.

Gold stars:
Dr. SS Yom. Dr. Katherine Yung. Kristin Bond. Dr. Yue Ma. Laura Habich.

Thank you for listening.

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Anu San Francisco, California

Anu has been creating music for more than three decades.

He studied electronic music at Dartmouth College, with Jon Appleton and Christian Wolff.

He is a pioneer in the Internet music industry, and one of the creators of the Rhapsody Music Service.

He created and taught "A History of 20th Century Music" at Duke University's Talent Identification Program.

Anu currently lives in San Francisco. ... more

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